(alternate title: “It’s not you, it’s me”)
Hi there. I like you. I think you’re cool, and I think it’s fun to go to barbecues with you, or maybe camping. You might think I’m cool, too, because you invite me to barbecues. You also know I cook, and that is cool too. Now here’s where I’m going to start to sound like an uncool bitch, but I really have to get this off my chest. If you feel this is directed solely at you, you’re wrong, because it would take more than just fingers to count how many people this applies to, and I like them all.
However, just because I cook, it doesn’t mean I want to go to your Pampered Chef party. In fact, it makes me less likely to want to go. I feel bad telling you this, because I know your intentions are good, and I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I have to say no. I’ve outlined my reasons below:
1) As you’ve noticed, I cook a lot. The thing is, the more you cook, the more often you find that certain tools are completely unnecessary. I have a friend who works for a kitchen products company and we’ve discussed how most of the tools out there can be replaced with a knife and a cutting board. Personally I’d add tongs, a rolling pin, and a pastry blender, but even that last one can be accomplished with a fork, or even your fingers (assuming your hands aren’t crazy hot like mine). After a while in the kitchen, you get used to favorite tools and realize the beauty in minimalism. I don’t need a three-in-one spoonula, or fancy serrated steak knives that are impossible to sharpen. I personally own exactly five knives, and even then only because I have doubles of two of them: two 8″ chef’s knives (a Wusthof and a Shun), a very inexpensive serrated bread knife from Fred Meyer (can’t sharpen it, so why invest?), and two very inexpensive paring knives, also from Fred Meyer. I invested in the chef’s knives because they are what I use 90% of the time, and I bought the second one ten years after I bought the first one – and I know they will both last me for my entire life. I’d rather have ten quality objects than drawers full of plastic produced in China.
2) I already have drawers full of cheap plastic produced in China. I’m weeding out the crap I don’t use and paring down to the essential tools. I need that space for all the bakeware I’m accumulating because people keep wanting crazy shapes of stuff for their weddings.
3) No matter how much you say “There’s no pressure to buy anything!” or “I just want to have a girls’ night!”, there IS pressure to buy things, even if it’s unspoken. There is no reason to host a buying party unless you hope that people will actually buy stuff. I’m not saying that this is bad, or wrong, I’m just saying that there’s an expectation, and I can’t meet it. I can’t even afford to pay all my bills right now, so overpriced specialty cookware is not a realistic expenditure.
4) I also hate girls’ nights. haaaaate.
Lest you think this applies only to Pampered Chef, I extend this blanket No-I-do-not-want-to-attend-your-party to PartyLite, “passion parties”, jewelry, and Tupperware. I’m just not into any of it, and I’m sorry we have to disagree on this.
I hope we can still be friends.
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